Collide
by JodieJelloCube
Summary: "I'm so sorry." She murmured and her voice broke; her eyes stinging and tears brimming with the words that seemed so awfully inadequate.


Basically, despite the fact that I've been given a few Young Justice prompts over Tumblr I've never actually written anything Young Justice related that's longer than a single paragraph, or I'd thought up myself.

I was feeling nostalgic and was listening to some songs I hadn't heard in a very, very long time. I made the realisation that 'Collide' by Howie Day reminds me very much of Supermartian, viola!

* * *

_The dawn is breaking,_

_A light's shining through._

_You're barely waking,_

_I'm tangled up in you._

Conner was not a morning person, he never had been. He slept as long as possible, and with M'gann tucked into him beneath the sheets, he wished he could stay in bed forever. M'gann woke at the crack of dawn, she couldn't help it. But so often she'd stay content in the cradle of his arms and watch the infinitesimal flickers of emotion play across his face as he continued dreaming. She was the only one to ever see him this vulnerable. His masks and defences would be put firmly back in place the second they left the safe haven of his room.

Conner missed her every morning. Without the comforting touch of her skin lined with his own, he awoke earlier than necessary and completely alone. Sleep brought him no rest, and his thoughts refused to settle. With a heart heavy with loss and regret, he found that he relished the quiet of the morning hours. He'd go out with Sphere or Wolf while the rest of the team slumbered, because without her even the good dreams caused him nothing but anguish, because she was in them. Some nights he didn't sleep at all.

_I'm open, you're closed._

_Where I follow, you'll go._

_I worry I won't see your face_

_Light up again._

M'gann sighed as she prepared her breakfast. She was not the smiling, doe-eyed girl she'd been 5 years before. She couldn't doubt that she'd been happier then. She cared for La'gann deeply, he was good to her and treated her with such sweetness, but it always felt like a show. He kissed her whenever he saw her, regardless of who was around. But she couldn't shake the feeling that he did so because he knew they'd see. Though they were more openly affectionate than her and Conner had ever been, M'gann couldn't help but feel that her connection with La'gann was nowhere near as intimate.

Conner knew her completely, and trusted her with everything. She'd broken that, she'd tried to manipulate the mind of the man she loved. She tried to justify for herself why she'd done it. She hadn't wanted to lose him, she was so scared of him walking away from what they had that in desperation she'd tried to erase the fight from his head, and in doing so she'd sent him fleeing. She had damned herself, and only further demonstrated his point. She was so eager to please and so intent on stopping the bad guy, she did so regardless of the cost. She was selfish, and out of control. Conner had been created to do awful things and she'd been the one to help him see past that, she'd shown him that he was so much more than what he was intended for, that he could think for himself. But how hypocritical was she? She was no better than those at Cadmus; she'd tried to force him to think the way she'd wanted him to. She'd tried to manipulate his feelings and memories to get herself off the hook.

She wasn't surprised that he couldn't even look at her. That he stormed away whenever they were in the same room. She'd hate her too. And she did. She did hate herself. She tried to pretend she hadn't done those things; she tried to pretend that La'gann's affection was more than a simple distraction and desire for attention. She tried to convince herself that Conner was over-reacting and she'd done nothing in the wrong. She hoped with everything within her that one day Conner would smile at her again, even if that smile meant nothing more than 'I forgive you'.

_Even the best fall down sometimes._

_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme._

Conner hated that he'd hurt her. And he hated that he continued to love her so much. But the worst part was that he felt that he had no right to be so offended, or jealous, or heartbroken by her relationship with La'gann, because _he_ had broken up with _her_. His anger that he tried so hard to control seemed to encompass him so often without her. M'gann had always known how to calm him down. He couldn't tell the guys why he'd ended their relationship, because he wouldn't betray her like that. He didn't know what the league would say about her malicious use of her abilities, and he didn't want their friends to judge her. So he stewed in his outrage, and everyone went about their daily lives knowing nothing about the situation other than that Conner had broken it off, so M'gann had every right to move on. Conner couldn't talk to anyone about any of this. Because he would never, ever betray her trust or reveal her secrets and the only person he could think of to talk to was M'gann herself, and that was not a possibility.

Conner understood that people make mistakes and bad decisions, and he believed in second chances and the benefit of doubt. But he'd tried to hash it out with her; he'd thought that couples were supposed to work out a compromise. He'd always thought that you were supposed to share your worries and apprehensions and the person you love was supposed to respond in kind. But no, she'd twisted a bond that had once been so sacred, and it made him physically sick to think that she'd gone to such lengths because she didn't like the fact he'd told her she was wrong. There was nothing he could say to her now that would make her understand the magnitude of what she'd done, or just how far she'd fallen. There were no words at all.

_Out of the doubt that fills my mind._

_I somehow find,_

_You and I collide._

But despite everything that they'd put each other through, they still felt that they needed each other. You don't just go through everything that they'd gone through and walk away, regardless of the consequences and misgivings. A feeling that strong does not just cease because of a few poorly chosen words and decisions. Every time he saw her, Conner had to fight the urge to grip the tops of her arms and shake her. He wanted to demand she tell him every thought she'd ever had. He wanted to know if she regretted letting him leave as much as he regretted leaving. He wanted to smash his lips against hers and let her know how strongly he'd missed her, and how all of that pent up frustration and denial and hurting had converted into anger. Anger at everything. Anger at the world. Never anger at her.

He hadn't realised how much he'd been giving up until he'd lost it. And La'gann's involvement had just been rubbing salt into the wound that was now raw and burning. There was a quiet cockiness that he hid beneath his angry charade, because there was a tiny part of him that was still certain that he meant more to her than La'gann ever could. Conner had been her first everything, the person she'd given herself to, the first person to make her blush, the first person she'd found attractive since coming to the planet, the first person she'd ever wanted to save, the first person she'd been so terrified of losing, and the first person to accept her for what she really was. And she'd been for him the same. Conner was almost certain that M'gann had yet to tell La'gann of the fact that she was a white martian. It had taken her so long to admit it to even him that Conner knew she couldn't just so easily tell another. The only reason she'd found the courage to reveal the truth the first time was because Conner himself had already shared such vital information that in itself had the essence to turn everyone against him. She'd returned the favour, she'd gotten it off her chest, and Conner's complete acceptance of her had only strengthened her feelings for him, La'gann couldn't replicate that. And so Conner was almost positive that La'gann did not know her like he did. And with that in mind how could Conner deny that he and M'gann were simply made for each other, he'd always thought that. He'd never thought it would end, and certainly not that it would end on such bad terms.

If he was going to crash and burn, he wanted to crash and burn with her. He wanted blinding, burning passion, he wanted grabbing hands and rubbing flesh and inhuman noises. He wanted to make her feel everything until she could feel no longer. He wanted to do for her what he was sure that La'gann never could. He wanted so badly to reclaim her and he knew that the very notion was reckless and nonsensical and would cause him nothing but pain and would make her feeling nothing but guilty. She was not his anymore. But he was still hers. The truth in that sentiment made him so angry, and he wanted to take it out on her, but he knew he was as much to blame as she was. So if he was going to crash, he was taking her with him.

_I'm quiet, you know._

_You make a first impression._

_I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind._

Conner had never been someone who could easily express anything he felt, except for his anger, and most of the time that was not within his control to supress. He was not someone who was comfortable conversing easily with many people. He was the most stoic of the team, slightly reserved. He was certainly an observer, and there was once a time when he only ever spoke up when it was in regards to M'gann. But since their separation, he'd rarely said a word unless strictly necessary. She'd drawn from him his first smile almost immediately after meeting him. She'd always had such a clear effect on him with merely her presence. He wished they could go back to that. He wished he could look at her and once again see the sweet innocence of the M'gann he'd fallen in love with. Life on Earth and as a superhero had hardened her, and the decisions she'd made and the disasters that she'd witnessed and prevented had changed her, like it had all of them. But Conner wished they could just go back, he wished he'd seen the signs sooner. He wished he could go back and wrap her up, and let her know that he was worried and scared of the path she'd eventually take.

M'gann had never been connected to anybody the way she was connected to Conner, and she knew his life was no longer any of her business as it no longer so intimately entwined with hers, but sometimes she couldn't help but pick up the quiet whispers of his thoughts. She didn't intend do, but it was a force of habit. She was such a powerful telepath that she couldn't help but catalogue how his mood shifted to deep melancholy whenever they were alone together on a mission, or how it shifted to envious fury whenever La'gann walked in. It hurt to know that she was the cause. It terrified her to think that she still had such a hold on him. He had ended it. She was so sure that he no longer had any desire to be with her at all, yet she plagued his thoughts so often.

M'gann had long ago accepted that a lot of what she'd done had been so horrendously wrong. And it seemed she kept adding to the list of wrong-doings that only made her hate herself more. La'gann was so good to her, he was whole-heartedly committed and she knew he deserved that and more in return. But as the old saying goes 'the heart wants what the heart wants', and it seemed that no matter how perfect of a boyfriend La'gann could be, and no matter how sure she was that she did love him, she still thought of Conner entirely too often. She knew she'd hurt La'gann, just as she'd hurt Conner. There were times when M'gann wondered if she was doomed to always harm those who loved her, forever. She was a glutton for punishment, and it appeared that so were the boys.

_Even the best fall down sometimes._

_Even the stars refuse to shine._

_Out of the back, you fall in time._

_I somehow find_

_You and I collide._

Conner sat upon the shore and mindlessly threw pebbles miles away, out into the bottomless ocean. He couldn't bear to stay with the team a moment longer, though they were all trying to rally together and get the job done; there was still a vaguely concealed, omnipresent sadness that lingered whenever the team got together, because Wally would never again join them. Everyone was treading on eggshells and diving into their work and Conner found that even though that was very similar to what he'd been doing ever since him and M'gann had split, he really couldn't act that way any longer. The harsh reality that he'd lost one of his oldest friends raised a lot of unwanted questions. They stirred, unbidden in the recesses of his subconscious. The one that pained him the most though was '_What if it had been M'gann?_' That thought caused crippling pain to sear throughout this torso as he considered the possibility. He and M'gann had managed to clear the air since Wally's passing but it had been nothing more than saying what had needed to be said. But the mere thought of never seeing her again made it hard for him to breathe. Conner had been so consumed with all-encompassing envy upon seeing M'gann with La'gann, but at least then he was comforted by the knowledge that she was happy. But to lose her completely and forever was such a painful notion.

He needed her now just as much as he ever had. He wanted to pin her to his chest and refuse to let her go. He wanted to squeeze her tight and feel her everywhere to know that she was real and tangible and safe. He wanted to breathe her in and feel her shiver against him. He wanted more than anything for her to tell him that she would never, ever leave. And he wanted to let her know he was so deeply sorry for every glare and taunt and ounce of resentment he'd sent towards her in the time they'd been apart. He'd never meant any of it. He wanted to plead his apologies to La'gann for every time he'd mistaken his jealousy for a hatred he'd never felt, because if M'gann was safe it didn't matter where she was or who she was with. He needed her to know that his love for her could never be absent.

_Don't stop here._

_I lost my place._

_I'm close behind._

"Conner…" for a second he was sure he'd simply imagined his name being carried so sweetly on the ocean breeze, his super-hearing caught the quiet shifting of the sand as she came up behind him.

He was so very close to breaking down, and he'd known this encounter was coming. He didn't know if he was ready to talk about all this, he wasn't entirely sure that he ever would be. But she'd come to find him and so many times he'd hoped for that, but so much had happened. He used to know exactly where he stood and what everything meant, at least when it came to the two of them. She approached so slowly, and carefully took a seat beside him on the rocks. She was far enough away that if he extended his arm fully his fingertips would only barely graze her skin. He hated that distance, but it was still the closest she'd been in a long time. Such a deep, wide chasm had formed between them and Conner didn't know if he could take the risk of falling in just to reach her. But he knew that he _wanted_ to. There wasn't much he wouldn't do for her.

It may have taken her a little while longer to get to the point that he was at, Artemis being her best friend, she'd spent so long comforting her above all else. It wasn't until she'd returned home and sat alone did thoughts of loss begin to truly plague her. And when it became a question of who she feared losing the most, it was undoubtedly Conner, it always had been. There was a time in which her worst nightmare had been Conner's rejection, and that would've been one way to lose him. But to lose him in a way that meant he would cease to be, made her want to cry.

"Conner," she said again before taking a deep breath of salty air. "I'm so sorry." She murmured and her voice broke; her eyes stinging and tears brimming with the words that seemed so awfully inadequate.

"I forgive you. I think…I think I forgave you a very, very long time ago." He sighed, he could never stay mad at her and he knew that she wasn't solely to blame. "I'm sorry, too. I know I made things a lot more difficult that they needed to be."

M'gann almost managed a gentle smile, she knew her portion of the blame was a lot larger in comparison, but she knew there was no use in arguing. Taking another calming breath to steady her voice she spoke to him softly. "I forgive you, too…I know I can't change what happened. I know we're not who we used to be. But Cassie's right. Life is short. And I may not be able to wipe out my regrets of the past, but I don't want to add any more to the list, and I know that I would regret walking away now, without at least first telling you that I love you. I love you, Conner." Her tears tracked softly down her face as she stared out at the waves, in her peripheral she saw him watching her, and she braced herself for what she was sure would be his disbelief, his anger, his rejection.

"I love you too, M'gann. I don't think I know how not to." He breathed.

_Even the best fall down sometimes._

_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme._

_Out of the doubt that fills your mind._

_You finally find_

_You and I collide._

* * *

_**{I am so sorry. Jodie, what the fuck is this?}**_


End file.
